A newly discovered paper from Good Friday 30 AD, The Jerusalem Bugel, has revealed Jesus saw the funny side of Judas’s final prank on him. His last words were “That BLOODY Judas. LOL!”

“One minute we were just having a bit of a cheeky kiss, the next minute I was being nailed to a cross. For my sins.” Jesus chuckled. “Fair play he did me all ends up. I feel like a proper Charlie,” he added.

Jesus and Judas had always got on well with Jesus helping Judas with the odd miracle hither and tither. When Judas invited 5000 of his closest mates to a beach party and failed to lay on any food other than 2 loaves of bread and some fish, Jesus stepped in and quickly whipped something up.

But Jesus wouldn’t help with a proposed new foot-washing business and Judas retaliated by playing a few pranks. He replaced Jesus’s horse with a little donkey, making him look a right berk as he rode into Jerusalem, and then loosened the top on the salt seller at the last supper, ruining Jesus’s potato waffles.

Jesus always turned the other cheek but the shit really hit the fan when Jesus refused to turn 500 litres of carbonated water into Champagne, leaving Judas 30 pieces of silver out of pocket.

In other news, on page 3 we meet Eve, from Eden, age unknown. She’s as naked as the day she was…created from one of Adam’s ribs.  She likes apples but dislikes rules!