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Top Squirrels Ever – No. 1

Some photos become iconic and adorn the walls of student campuses the world over – the Nirvana baby, the Reservoir Dogs standoff, and the ones of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears getting out of taxis with no knickers.

And now this (which is on our fridge, at least*) – a squirrel bloody team shot!!!

AND WHAT A TEAM! Back left is BA – hard, surly, just going about his business pitying fools. Face is at front flirting, using his tail to be as sexy as is squirrely possible.

Murdoch is back right and has positioned his tail to make it look like he has gigantic testicles. And back middle is Hannibal, who loves it so much when a squirrel team shot comes together he’s put his arm round his good buddy Murdock.

All these squirrels kinda make a collective Number 1, but Hannibal is the out and out winner cause he seems to love being in a photo as much as we love looking at it.

* = and probably most

last of the last of the summer wine

Sad news - Last of the Summer Wine was today canceled after only 37 years.

In every single one of the 209 episodes, 3 old-aged pensioners went bombing down a big hill in a tin bath and Compo would try and cop a feel of Nora Batty. Hilarity always ensued. But it was universally agreed the shows best days still lay ahead.

Compo tries to cop a feel in a scene from every episode of Last of the Summer Wine

Compo tries to cop a feel in a scene from every single episode of Last of the Summer Wine

“Unfortunately with the current financial climate we just haven’t got the money to keep developing new talent.” said Jay Hunt, controller of BBC One. “It’s a shame. I mean look at Bruce Forsyth – he’s just peeking now after 71 years of honing his act of bad one-liners, tap dancing and leching at woman in ball gowns. Last of the Summer Wine would have probably really hit its stride in another 10-15 years”

But we shouldn’t get too downhearted, the last series promises to go out with a bang. “We’re throwing everything we can think of at the last series! There will be 14 instances of bombing down a big hill in a tin bath, 36 Nora Batty feel-copping attempts and nearly 57 misunderstandings – some due to deafness, the rest down to senility.

Compo and Clegg prepare to bomb down a big hill

Compo and Clegg prepare for a bombing down a big hill attempt

Reports suggest the cuts may not stop there. It’s now feared that there may only be enough money for another 25 years of 2 Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

Gineral Election – S J Parker

SATC2 hasn’t done as well as expected at the box office which has raised a lot of questions. “Why?”, “What went wrong?” and “What does Sarah Jessica Parker most look like? Is it a horse? Or a foot? (OR actually, is it the cowardly lion?)”

Well here at Gin Riot we’re gonna decide the answer to that last (4-part-ish) question once and for all, in the inaugural Gin-eral Election and YOUR VOTE could swing it! Here are the candidate’s manifestos…

Horse – the early favourite

The fine people over at sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com have been doing sterling work on this subject for some time

Family Guy had this to say, while South Park went on record with this and even Sarah JP has realised as much herself (in black and white no less!)

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Foot – the main challenger

Urban Dictionary defines S Jessica P as “an actress who has the most annoying scream in the world, and a head that is shaped like a foot.”

This has been illustrated by the fine people over at totallylookslike.com

and although Family Guy seemed firmly in the horse camp they also released this statement

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Cowardly Lion – the rank outsider

Thanks again to the brave people over at totallylookslike.com for making this a 3 horse race.

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RIGHT! The cases have been made now YOU DECIDE!!!

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Film Review – Sex and the City 2

It’s fair to say that the first Sex and the City film divided the critics. Some said it was “vulgar, shrill, deeply shallow — and, at 2 hours and 22 turgid minutes, overlong.” (Manohla Dargis of The New York Times)

Others said it was “uniquely bad; this one is a threshold-breaker with a different sound, the crack of rock-bottom giving way to a whole deeper layer of magma.” (Rick Groen of The Globe and Mail)

And the movie featured on several worst of 2008 lists including that of The Times, Mark Kermode, The New York Observer and The Daily Telegraph.

But what about Sex and the City 2? What’s THAT like as a film, you may well ask?

It’s shit. No stars (out of 5)

Sex and the City Week – Miranda

Sex and the City 2 is released on Friday and everyone at Gin Riot is tres (very) excited. To celebrate this monumentous cinematic event we’re having an in depth look at the least popular or “ginger-est” character on the show – Miranda.

Cynthia Nixon was an actress for 20 years before she hit the big time with her role as Pepe the King Prawn in The Muppets. There she proved her acting chops and quickly mastered the art of using a phone.

HBO were watching and cast her in the role of Miranda where she would have to both use a phone AND look less attractive than Sarah Jessica Parker. She managed both and then some.

In her private life she broke up with her long time partner Danny Moses and started a lesbian relationship with Christine Marinoni, who plays Bradley on Eastenders.

It raised a few eyebrows in Tinseltown because, in the Bible, God makes it very clear that he`frowns upon ginger on ginger relationships, but Cynthia and Bradley weathered the storm and have never been happier.

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CYNTHIA NIXON FACT FILE (print off, cut out and keep in your wallet!!!)
Age: 44
Height: 5 foot 7-ish Maybe 5 foot 8
Actress: Yes
Sexuality: Ginger

(possibly 5 foot 9?)

Top 5 Squirrels Ever – No. 2

Who would win in a fight between your basic squirrel and a mahoosive great big snake? Nope! Guess again. (unless you guessed your basic squirrel in which case stop guessing because you were bang right!)

In at No.2 is Curly Joe, who uses a Muhammad Ali approach to beat the living shit out of a snake. He literally floats like a butterfly and then bites him like a squirrel.

It’s not known for sure why the fight kicked off but its believed to be about nuts. Curly Joe was unavailable for comment.

Top 5 Squirrels Ever – No.3

At number 3 it’s……………the Carling Black Label squirrel!

It’s well known that the 2 happiest sights in the world are a dog with its head out of the window and squirrel with a nut in its mouth. But what about a squirrel with 2 nuts? Well that’s just heaven.

Despite all the awesomeness on the assault course the best bit of the advert is when he gets to all the nuts he’s so excited that he has to eat 2 at once.

Top 5 Squirrels Ever – No.4

Straight in at number 4 in our awesome-most squirrels of all time chart is this plucky mum – seen here eyeing up a dog who’s got her wee baby.

With her husband nowhere to be seen (typical – off with his mates collecting nuts no doubt) she had to take matters into her own hands.

KAPPOW!

After some Kung Fu heroics (it looks to use like she’s using the Bruce Lee technique – Jeet Kun Do) she grabbed her little un and they escaped back up the tree for a well earned cuddle.

Now we’re sure that the dog was only having a play and was just loving the little squirrel too hard, he looks pretty sad to see them go, but you can’t mess with a mum when her kids are concerned. Top (squirrel) mumming.

Top 5 Squirrels Ever – No. 5

In the build up to our hard hitting report about grey squirrels, we’re bringing you our top 5 squirrels ever!

In at No. 5 is this young fella. He heard the camera focussing, came to investigate and popped up at just the right time to turn a nice photo of a couple against a stunning backdrop into the awesome-most photo of a couple against a stunning backdrop of all time!

Hannibal’s Blind Date

Tommy and Juliette performing at Stony Broke Fridays.