Category Archives: Stuff of the Week

Gineral Election – Best Bill ever

There have been some truly awesome Bills over the years but WHO or WHAT is the best Bill ever?

Bill Murray

Bill fucking Murray. Bill Groundhog Day, Ghostbustin’-ass Muwway. A God amongst men. It can’t be possible to love a man more than we love Bill Murray.

Bill Shakespeare

He wrote some plays and that. This isn’t from one of them.

Bill O’Reilly

He may be a right wing Fox News tool but he sure can go mental with the best of ‘em.

And here’s the REMIX!

The Bill

Does TV get better than a couple of coppers’ feet walking down a pavement? Yes. Yes it does.

Bill Hicks

One of the all time top ten stand-up comics.

Billy Ray Cyrus

One of all time top ten mullets.

$100 dollar bill

About £64-ish in one note!

Kill Bill

Vintage Quentin.

A duck’s bill

Classic Daffy.

Bill of human rights

There’s some stuff about it on wikipedia. In the meantime here’s some more Bill Murray.

The Bills are in. Now YOU DECIDE!

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ps – Some Bills that didn’t quite make the list: Bailey, Gates, Cosby, Tax. Here’s Bill Murray smoking a cigarette on a diving board.

JC’s – the definitive list

Ever since Jesus Christ came down from Heaven(?) to kick about on Earth for 30 odd years, everyone has been clamouring for a list ranking people with the initials JC from “Awesome” down to “Utter Shit.” Well stop the clamouring, here is the definitive list.

John Cleese being awesome.

Here’s a clip of Jimmy Cricket in ALL his glory. Check out those wellies!

And here’s vintage James Corden being both fat and a cunt.

Cliff’s sexy 2010 calendar

GREAT NEWS. It’s June which means that all calendars are now half price but which one should you go for? Cliff Richard’s website is on hand with some helpful advice.

“Cliff is the all-time best-seller when it comes to Danilo’s calendars with total sales of more than 1.50 million calendars over the years. In the ladies’ list, Kylie Minogue is the top seller with a meagre 750,000 copies!”

A meagre 750,000 copies? Unlucky Kylie. (Cliff’s site conveniently ignores that he’s been selling calendars for decades longer so we will too)

Even worse news for Kylie is that, for 2010, Cliff has really raised his game and seems to have taken her sister Dannii’s best-selling 1997 calendar as inspiration for his next effort.

bwbs

Cliff takes elements from February and October and distills them into a much more volatile formula.
See-through top showing a couple of plucky nipples – check.
On a beach – check
Arms out in suggestive pose, depending on both your sex and sexuality – check.

It’s a humdinger of a picture where Cliff is looking to the heavens and thinking of God as he imagines fondling both Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They say God is inside all of us, well he’s definitely “inside” Cliff in this picture.

I had Dannii’s 97 calendar and I loved it. There’s nothing like going to check the date and getting the bonus of seeing a couple of boobs. But Cliff’s is even better.

The real test of a calendar is what the picture is in May, my birthday month. Dannii’s was great. She was on a beach in a white dress that wasn’t see-through – unless it got wet of course. And check this – it WAS wet of course! The tide changes very quickly on those Aussie beaches which made for a bonza* birthday.

But Cliff has pulled out all the stops. In May he’s dressed himself in some Lara Croft get-up – a green t-shirt, white shorts (teasing us with just a little bit of leg) and a rope slung over his shoulder (showing he’s ready for a bit of hardcore adventuring!) If that wasn’t enough (and it was) he’s photo-shopped himself in over a backdrop of some deserty-looking stonage and glued a moon (full) in the top left corner for us even though it’s the day time! Thanks Cliff.

Cliff’s 2010 calendar is available in ALL good calendar shops for about £3 or you can buy a used one from Amazon for £27.52.

* Australian for banging.

James Corden T-shirts

Internationally respected, Shakespearean actor Sir Patrick Stewart recently had a spat with roly-poly chubby fat celebrity TV presenter cunt James Corden. It wasn’t pretty.

On the one hand, good ol’ Patrick’s jokes weren’t that great (they were terrible) but on the other hand, James Corden really is a fat cunt. He also squared up to a man who’s 69. Nice one, James.

Patrick did impart one piece of great advice for fat Corden – “If you fancy the Jonas Brothers, cover you’re belly.” That’s good advice and no mistake.

But the question is does James fancy the Jonas Brothers? There’s only one way to tell. He can either buy a Gin Riot exclusive “If you fancy the Jonas Brothers” T-SHIRT that covers up his fat belly proving once and for all that he doesn’t.

Or, he can buy a Gin Riot exclusive “If you fancy the Jonas Brothers” CROP TOP that shows off his “hideous” fat belly proving once and for all that he does (unless he’s just showing his belly as again as the punchline to his “joke”)

The choice, James, is yours.

Prices start from £99.99 and sizes available for James are XXXXL or medium.

Top Squirrels Ever – No. 1

Some photos become iconic and adorn the walls of student campuses the world over – the Nirvana baby, the Reservoir Dogs standoff, and the ones of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears getting out of taxis with no knickers.

And now this (which is on our fridge, at least*) – a squirrel bloody team shot!!!

AND WHAT A TEAM! Back left is BA – hard, surly, just going about his business pitying fools. Face is at front flirting, using his tail to be as sexy as is squirrely possible.

Murdoch is back right and has positioned his tail to make it look like he has gigantic testicles. And back middle is Hannibal, who loves it so much when a squirrel team shot comes together he’s put his arm round his good buddy Murdock.

All these squirrels kinda make a collective Number 1, but Hannibal is the out and out winner cause he seems to love being in a photo as much as we love looking at it.

* = and probably most

Gineral Election – S J Parker

SATC2 hasn’t done as well as expected at the box office which has raised a lot of questions. “Why?”, “What went wrong?” and “What does Sarah Jessica Parker most look like? Is it a horse? Or a foot? (OR actually, is it the cowardly lion?)”

Well here at Gin Riot we’re gonna decide the answer to that last (4-part-ish) question once and for all, in the inaugural Gin-eral Election and YOUR VOTE could swing it! Here are the candidate’s manifestos…

Horse – the early favourite

The fine people over at sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com have been doing sterling work on this subject for some time

Family Guy had this to say, while South Park went on record with this and even Sarah JP has realised as much herself (in black and white no less!)

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Foot – the main challenger

Urban Dictionary defines S Jessica P as “an actress who has the most annoying scream in the world, and a head that is shaped like a foot.”

This has been illustrated by the fine people over at totallylookslike.com

and although Family Guy seemed firmly in the horse camp they also released this statement

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Cowardly Lion – the rank outsider

Thanks again to the brave people over at totallylookslike.com for making this a 3 horse race.

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RIGHT! The cases have been made now YOU DECIDE!!!

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Film Review – Sex and the City 2

It’s fair to say that the first Sex and the City film divided the critics. Some said it was “vulgar, shrill, deeply shallow — and, at 2 hours and 22 turgid minutes, overlong.” (Manohla Dargis of The New York Times)

Others said it was “uniquely bad; this one is a threshold-breaker with a different sound, the crack of rock-bottom giving way to a whole deeper layer of magma.” (Rick Groen of The Globe and Mail)

And the movie featured on several worst of 2008 lists including that of The Times, Mark Kermode, The New York Observer and The Daily Telegraph.

But what about Sex and the City 2? What’s THAT like as a film, you may well ask?

It’s shit. No stars (out of 5)

Sex and the City Week – Miranda

Sex and the City 2 is released on Friday and everyone at Gin Riot is tres (very) excited. To celebrate this monumentous cinematic event we’re having an in depth look at the least popular or “ginger-est” character on the show – Miranda.

Cynthia Nixon was an actress for 20 years before she hit the big time with her role as Pepe the King Prawn in The Muppets. There she proved her acting chops and quickly mastered the art of using a phone.

HBO were watching and cast her in the role of Miranda where she would have to both use a phone AND look less attractive than Sarah Jessica Parker. She managed both and then some.

In her private life she broke up with her long time partner Danny Moses and started a lesbian relationship with Christine Marinoni, who plays Bradley on Eastenders.

It raised a few eyebrows in Tinseltown because, in the Bible, God makes it very clear that he`frowns upon ginger on ginger relationships, but Cynthia and Bradley weathered the storm and have never been happier.

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CYNTHIA NIXON FACT FILE (print off, cut out and keep in your wallet!!!)
Age: 44
Height: 5 foot 7-ish Maybe 5 foot 8
Actress: Yes
Sexuality: Ginger

(possibly 5 foot 9?)

Top 5 Squirrels Ever – No. 2

Who would win in a fight between your basic squirrel and a mahoosive great big snake? Nope! Guess again. (unless you guessed your basic squirrel in which case stop guessing because you were bang right!)

In at No.2 is Curly Joe, who uses a Muhammad Ali approach to beat the living shit out of a snake. He literally floats like a butterfly and then bites him like a squirrel.

It’s not known for sure why the fight kicked off but its believed to be about nuts. Curly Joe was unavailable for comment.

Top 5 Squirrels Ever – No.3

At number 3 it’s……………the Carling Black Label squirrel!

It’s well known that the 2 happiest sights in the world are a dog with its head out of the window and squirrel with a nut in its mouth. But what about a squirrel with 2 nuts? Well that’s just heaven.

Despite all the awesomeness on the assault course the best bit of the advert is when he gets to all the nuts he’s so excited that he has to eat 2 at once.